well my second blog ty hs and childhood fr Josie for offering editing skills you ate still as great as you were when we met at 4 years old. This is painful to write but I want to set the record straight. That's a cliché. In November I think the 9th my birthday is the 12th a psychologist told me many people have their first breakdown close to the birthday so I decided to take a bus I was starting my senior year in college my daughter was living with me in as I call it the tenement 3rd fl walkup opposite the school that the man who ran the mailroom where I worked on campus lived he found me the apartment a very kind old man passive resistant like me later fired for throwing mail out if he liked you he would give you the free books sent to the profs who could afford to buy books for some reason I wanted to get off the bus at the police station in Bayonne I also felt compelled to leave my beautiful jacket on the bus this was the beginning of the end of my life.  I was having an acute manic episode which results in transient schizophrenia. I wouldn't tell them my name but I must have because I remember my father in law showing up with his friend a local cop to get Morgan the police took me to Greenville Hospital not blood no urine tests everybody just decided I was on drugs.  My father in law and the cop and my sister in laws boyfriend broke into my apartment searched for drugs of course found none.  Meanwhile I was put in a jail cell.  awful. I smoked then and of course you couldn't .My father wouldn't drive my mother he believed the drug story I always was surrounded by supportive people.  The next day I was allowed to go home change and I had to go to court.  The judge was going to send me to a drug tank luckily my friend and former boyfriend who lived upstairs came to court had and some other friends from school convinced the judge that I wasn't on drugs and I was sne to what's locally known as snake hill. A horrible place. I spent my 21 birthday there I only got 1 piece of cake that my friends brought the pigs who worked there ate the rest when I asked for another piece they tied me to the bed. One MD came in 2 weeks to see me for 5 minutes decided I should go to a state hospital.  Ironically his office was in the same Victorian as my dds in Rutherford and this quack got busted for insurance fraud made my day. On the way to Trenton there were 2 of us in the backseat handcuffed as we passed the airport on the turnpike the matron which if you know Hudson county is a political plum job told us to look at the airplanes I remember thinking you bleached blonde fucking gum chewing asshole I'm a senior in college on a scholarship.  When we got to the state hospital the clerk took so long typing in what she kept asking me over and over again I offered to type it for her.  Then I was forced to strip in front of a big fat slob and have this piq watch me shower then I was given a robe had no shoes put in an open hospital ward the beds were so close you could hold hands. The next day a huge woman shoved a mop in my hand told me I had to do her job.  I walked past the TV set for this they grabbed me shot me u with something threw me into a seclusion room horror everyone banging on the small window bars on the small outside window all I ccould think of was fire.  I remember my aunt snet citrus fruit from Florida down with my mother everybody took it.  My father instead of talking to me talked the ear off some older woman named Lucy. I said something to my mother she said he can't cope so how come I could cope working full time driving my daughter to work and minding my sisters kids after school manage to cope and take him for his radiation. I guess you could say I am very very very bitter. My mother without asking me and why should she as she thought her job was to run my life signed me up for shock treatments.  I once offered myself to the Nathan Klein Insitute he wrote the primer on bi-polar titled from sad to glad that my late friend Cheryl bought me but they said since I had had ects and a few concussions from falling I'm considered brain damaged.  This is good as I am always annoying my husband by telling slobs not to spit in public and to get the bikes off the sidewalk if I get arrested for this or what I post on FB I can get a letter from my psychiatrist,   The Jersey Journal ran a front page story with my name and address that said I was a drug addict. I wasn't supposed to see this but my sister saved it and I found it in her desk.  The school would not demand a retraction.  The school mad me take 2 semesters off they also brought in a doctor another one who said I was too angry that I should go into social work and I was not allowed to do my student teaching.  Obviously I of low self esteem was mortified felt like the whole world knewI lived in shame I did manage to graduate but had to take a student loan as school didn't tell my mother how to drop my classes years later IRS wanted to garnish my pay so I went to my congressman. My parents told us some good things.  My husband wound up paying it off.  When my daughter was old enough I told her the story .  Wow do I miss her losing her makes everyday another hell.  I think I will stop know. For some reason when I type words like sent it always comes out snet.